Maybe the fact that a lot of these people I'm friends with have too many varying interests and that is why we can't seem to form that unwaivering bond. I guess its a matter of popularity, knowing a lot of people and being pushed aside because I will let myself be that person and because they take me for granted because they don't have to cherish it since there is someone else to fill the void. I don't like this idea. The disposable friend.
Insert analogy here:
The disposable camera... a great invention at the time, but now ultimately phased out by the digital camera. The disposable camera served its purpose, to preserve moments in time, but the digital camera can be used to document everything and it saves time and money in the long run. Though they are essentially used for the same purpose, one is prefered over the other due to its many advantages. The problem is, technology is not always dependable, sometimes it leaves us frustrated or without it completely. At the point in time when the card is full or the $300 investment has been destroyed after dropping it on the ground or losing it, this is when the disposable camera is suddenly useful again. The time spent together will be short, but it will make due until something better comes along. Then it will be back to high-tech, expensive gadget that will do the many wonderous things that we come to expect from it.
The disposable friend. The one you use when you need them, but will forget about for days, weeks, months at at time because there is someone else you can spend time with and get more out of. That is what I am. Sadly, I have no other choice but to be that person for others that i tend to call "friends." I guess I let myself believe that I was more than that to my friends, but it was only a false illusion I let myself believe in order to feel better about how it really is.
The thought of my Grandpa's friend Bob just came to mind. Bob came to see Grandpa at least once every week while he was in the nursing home. Talk about true friends, and my grandpa was 88 and neither of them were in the best of health conditions, but at least once every week. I find that to be amazing and what friendship is supposed to be all about. I just think friendship should be treasured. Maybe by the time I'm that old someone will realize what I mean(t) to them. I sure hope so because I don't want to be lonely for the rest of my life. I have gotten a lot better at being alone. For example, right now, I'm a college student sitting at home on a Friday night and I couldn't be happier about it.
:When so many are lonely as seem to be lonely, it would be inexcusably selfish to be lonely alone:
(selfishness, another topic for another time, but fitting for a lot of the world today it can seem)
I have been unable to maintain my friendship with a girl I knew before the age of one. I think the loss of that friendship has set me up for a pessimist outlook on friendships, as I'm sure is understandable. I thought friendship was able to overcome the ups and downs, the time and distance, and all the obstacles that life throws in along the way.
I have my dilusions. I think its because I grew up in a small town, and not having a lot of options when it came to the friend department. Television shows seemed to be an outlet to see what the world was really like. I now realize that those Dawson and Joey, Felicity and Noel, Lorelai and Rory, J.D. and Turk relationships do not exist in this world. From what I've experienced, there isn't that one person that you have that is a constant in your life. Someone that is there during the worst of times and is there to pick you up when you've completely fallen apart, or that person who is in your life on a daily basis just to enjoy life and make jokes with and laugh until you cry. The friend that knows you inside and out, and understands without you even having to say a word. I think I'm going to keep my dilusions, I kind of like them.